Hey!
Another posting from yours truly.
First off, I want to thank everyone who responded to my last post..
I used to do the martial arts for 5 years, but stopped for medical reasons. I already meditate. :) Thank you for all the great advice!
But here's the thing.
Somedays, I can feel 'magic' pumping through my veins; I know if I tap into it I can achieve so much more than what I currently can do. Those are the days that being around people give me these horrible head aches and I retreat away from everyone, uncomfortable with that deep well thats springing little leaks all over the place. Other days, I reach and its not there.
At the same time, I don't like what I could be capable of. I'm empathetic, but I'm prone to anger quickly. Already, I got into a fight with someone and 'felt' them out, and hit them in a very sensitive place. On purpose, no less. The guilt and shame that followed that lasted for weeks.I cried for nights, and did everything I could to make it better. Does it ever get easier
If this can be refined to more than me just losing control of it randomly, couldn't I use it badly? I do what I can for other people already, fundraising, being there for those who need me, everything i can possibly do. (I feel horrible others) But what if I get to the point where I can affect people with an 'emotional whip'. It's sorta worked before, when i did it without thinking out of anger.
So...refine and be tempted, or just let nature take its course?
Also, if a situation placed you in danger, would it be ethical to hit them with said whip? I generally ask for permission before 'reading' anyone. But if you were in danger, and it wasn't out of anger, would it be right? Or would it be best to get injured? What's moral and what's not? What 'guidelines' do you go by?
Is it wrong for me to sometimes think that this could be used offensively? I don't want to, but all these what if questions keep running through my head. Practice, or leave it? As sensitive people, do we try or leave it?
Another posting from yours truly.
First off, I want to thank everyone who responded to my last post..
I used to do the martial arts for 5 years, but stopped for medical reasons. I already meditate. :) Thank you for all the great advice!
But here's the thing.
Somedays, I can feel 'magic' pumping through my veins; I know if I tap into it I can achieve so much more than what I currently can do. Those are the days that being around people give me these horrible head aches and I retreat away from everyone, uncomfortable with that deep well thats springing little leaks all over the place. Other days, I reach and its not there.
At the same time, I don't like what I could be capable of. I'm empathetic, but I'm prone to anger quickly. Already, I got into a fight with someone and 'felt' them out, and hit them in a very sensitive place. On purpose, no less. The guilt and shame that followed that lasted for weeks.I cried for nights, and did everything I could to make it better. Does it ever get easier
If this can be refined to more than me just losing control of it randomly, couldn't I use it badly? I do what I can for other people already, fundraising, being there for those who need me, everything i can possibly do. (I feel horrible others) But what if I get to the point where I can affect people with an 'emotional whip'. It's sorta worked before, when i did it without thinking out of anger.
So...refine and be tempted, or just let nature take its course?
Also, if a situation placed you in danger, would it be ethical to hit them with said whip? I generally ask for permission before 'reading' anyone. But if you were in danger, and it wasn't out of anger, would it be right? Or would it be best to get injured? What's moral and what's not? What 'guidelines' do you go by?
Is it wrong for me to sometimes think that this could be used offensively? I don't want to, but all these what if questions keep running through my head. Practice, or leave it? As sensitive people, do we try or leave it?
-
Re: Problem/Moral conflicts.
Mon, May 5, 2008 - 8:46 PMIf you are truly looking for a moral compass, you should look no further than yourself, there are simple answers "do no harm, have universal love, Blah blah Yakity schmakity." Being a student of the universe for a very brief time I have viewed and reviewed situations to try to find the good for all concerned. Every time I have solved all the problems and know the shape of the universe it changes on me. Can this gift be used as a weapon. yes and a very horrible one. should it be used as one I think in most cases no, but we do not live in a world of bliss and beauty. The one thing I know is the universe is more beautiful and horrible than I have been able to imagine. the only tool that i can rely on always is that little inner voice. you should try to always be responsible with your gift you should look for the best outcome for all. Listen to the advise of friends and piers, and above all of that trust yourself listen to your own gut it may lead you to making a lot of mistakes but that is what you need to do to grow.
-
Re: Problem/Moral conflicts.
Mon, May 5, 2008 - 9:50 PMwow, lots of questions... and it feels to me like the answers to most, if not all of them, will depend on where you choose to come from, your heartspace, your motivation and choices. anything, any sense or power that we embody can be weilded for harm or for good, and in many different degrees... the word is discernment... and that is a thing sometimes naturally embodied, but most often learned, through experience...
hannah you have a powerful gift. and like any powerful gift, you get to use it however you choose. you may use it clumsily at first, and at other times, but with practicing mindfulness you will find a harmony with it... dont work overly hard at managing it, or controlling it, not in your head anyway. the work to be done, if any, is in your heart my friend. if the heart is right, then what flows from it will easily and naturally be used for good... we so want to 'control' effects, but it's causes behind those effects that are the real determinant of how we show up in the world... as long as your heart is in the right place, the rest will find it's way. i promise.
