http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20?format=rss Tribe.net. Local Connections http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#1ed49a9a-148e-4bce-92d9-feda13c05898 There are really wise wordson this thread.. Wed, 27 May 2009 04:30:15 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#1ed49a9a-148e-4bce-92d9-feda13c05898 ENIAD 2009-05-27T04:30:15Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#fc043196-a13f-4e8e-a5de-bb2b8afe7bb2 Life draining vampire is right.....he sensed your ability to feel and share and its a very desirable set of emotions....its like a moth to a flame....be a butterfly...transform....its right there Tue, 26 May 2009 04:04:35 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#fc043196-a13f-4e8e-a5de-bb2b8afe7bb2 Cathie 2009-05-26T04:04:35Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#d2ae863d-c53c-4a33-8388-cdfa4232e284 I am also not sure how to fix my internal wounds so I stop doing this. I don't think I need to be in a relationship, but something is deeply hurt inside me and I'm not sure how to actively work on it (besides time). I can't afford therapy at the moment, unfortunately. Mon, 25 May 2009 18:10:18 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#d2ae863d-c53c-4a33-8388-cdfa4232e284 Rachel 2009-05-25T18:10:18Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#4fabe05b-3e5d-4188-806b-66c9f61c5386 Yes, I think it was getting a high from the attention...and I'm not sure if I was trying to rescue him. That was probably part of it. I also thought he would "understand" me because he was so emotional. But it only worked one way. I don't feel like he victimized me...I made these choices, but he did deceive me in some ways. It may not be his fault that he is like that (usually it's not), but I know that bringing ME down isn't going to help HIM. Now, if I can convince myself of this in the moments I'm really depressed, I will be free! Mon, 25 May 2009 18:08:45 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#4fabe05b-3e5d-4188-806b-66c9f61c5386 Rachel 2009-05-25T18:08:45Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#5b3e3306-45ea-419f-9eca-6fd747294816 Just a few words I live by: We all deserve to be a with a good person, but we don't need one. Don't waste your time with a someone who doesn't value you or your relationship. I always used a three strike rule when I dated. Three months or three strikes. I gave every guy I dated the same rule which was simply to just "Do what you say you're going to do." If you say you're going to call then call. Most often the relationship would end on with the 3 strikes and never progress to 3 months because they would break my one simple rule. In the event that 3 months came without any strikes, then I would seriously think about whether I had chemistry with this person, if not why continue to waste his money and my time. Value yourself and what you have to offer and you will attract the same. I'm happily married now, but I still use the 3 strike concept with new friends and co-workers, and I find it helps me steer away from unnecessary drama and stress. Mon, 25 May 2009 04:33:05 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#5b3e3306-45ea-419f-9eca-6fd747294816 Maggie 2009-05-25T04:33:05Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#9e567589-a57d-4b6e-b43b-e8ff2ee4f1a5 That is one of the problems I continually have to deal with, feeling an almost obsessive need to fix everything and every one. Do better at handling it, today, but it is a on going struggle and battle. Asha, Nice that you brought this up. David Tue, 19 May 2009 18:29:43 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#9e567589-a57d-4b6e-b43b-e8ff2ee4f1a5 David 2009-05-19T18:29:43Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#1809a79d-f6e9-42cd-910f-81daf34e9a6c It's important to learn that just because we can feel the hurt energy of others that this does not mean that it is our job to rescue them. It is also important to learn how to distinquish between the people who place their wounds on display to attract a rescuer and those who place their wounds on display because they are people willing to do the inner work that is required for true healing. People who are looking for a rescuer has no intentions on healing. They are users. They get more of a high from the attention. The people who are rescuers (like I was) usually miss this because you are trying to do something to feel good about yourself and unconsciously seek out victims to rescue to make your life feel worthy. While this may seem like heavy words, I mean you no discomfort. Truly it is empowering to recognize that every choice you make is a reflection and/or mirror of what is happening in you internally. Waste NO more time concerning yourself with this other wounded person and get busy healing the wounds in yourself that put you in this predicament. You'll be a lot better off in the long run looking at this from the perspective of a totally responsible person and a lot worse off if you are looking at it as though you are a victim of someone else's choices. Tue, 19 May 2009 00:20:28 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#1809a79d-f6e9-42cd-910f-81daf34e9a6c Asha 2009-05-19T00:20:28Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#754bf22c-6d2b-4859-b82d-8dd36b1ec650 Rough times, A-124, so sorry you are going through all of this but it sounds like just sharing it helped open your eyes morel. Being more sensitive doesn't 'always' help us see things more clearly it sometimes just makes experiences more intense and hopefully we learn quicker and don't repeat them. But also like any human we often have blind spots to our own stuff and that's why it's so important to have a network of supportive friends who can help mirror you back to yourself. It is good that you are looking to find your balance by stepping away from this whole situation at least while it is still so raw and emotionally charged for you. If it were me I'd do just what you are doing - processing it out in black and white, asking for support, stepping away from the person and finding balanced within myself - separate from anyone else. Then start making plans to spend time around people, movies, books, music - anything that uplifts and distracts from the overwhelm. It's only when when stepping away and distracting ourselves from the person/issue long enough to find our laughter that we can then go back and look at it and see it all clearly. I guess there may be things called psychic vampires (and we've probably all played that role a bit as we grew through our own insecurities in life) but generally I think the power lies within us to not allow the link to people who want to draw our energy. So you are the wise boss. Sending you energetic light, hugs and blessings during this challenging time. You got it going on though! Don't forget :) Sat, 16 May 2009 22:54:33 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#754bf22c-6d2b-4859-b82d-8dd36b1ec650 Michelle 2009-05-16T22:54:33Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#0ecfabeb-3de2-4e2c-9e77-8d1e2db36cc5 I feel for you, I have been there too. I find with myself, I feel others emotions and intents as my own, so I have to be careful who I am around or who I connect with at a distance. I find that in the past especially if I want something really bad, I over ride the incoming warning feelings from within and from without. My problem, I screwed up, but then one has to get out of it and start over, but that is often easier said then done as usual. The problem lead to two prior bad marriages, frost one was a very needy insecure emotional nymphomaniac and the second to a insecure verbal mental abuser. If they want to work things out that is one thing and is ok, but both of these were one way people, it was all my problem, not theirs in the least. It seems that many of us Empaths are susceptible to Vampires. I think a majority of it comes from our truly loving and trusting naive natures, with almost child like innocents in the beginning. I know I had to turn back on the emotions and feelings I turned off as youth, to deal with the pain back then. It solved one problem temporally, but caused others, like turned off some of my ability to sense and protect myself, I saw and reacted to everyone, thinking they had the same feelings and loving intent I felt inside, but they don't., they are like alien to me, I finally realized too late in life. David As has been said, you need to cut the energy emotion cords and re-raise your Shields, with him in mind when you do it. Sat, 16 May 2009 16:06:35 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#0ecfabeb-3de2-4e2c-9e77-8d1e2db36cc5 David 2009-05-16T16:06:35Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#d389f968-7bd4-4bf3-a6b6-bb01aa4caa2e Thank you!! Yes, it's completely draining, and then I feel I have to shut myself down from connecting with others because I have to restore what keeps getting drained. I have cut the energetic cord a thousand times, but he holds on tighter...probably without knowing it. I am finally getting a little bit stronger than his pull, at least at times...maybe soon I can actually hold the boundary. I wish I had known enough to keep it up at the beginning, but I knew nothing about any of this when we met. Maybe that was why we met, so I could learn how to set boundaries which no one ever taught me. Sat, 16 May 2009 13:57:58 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#d389f968-7bd4-4bf3-a6b6-bb01aa4caa2e Rachel 2009-05-16T13:57:58Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#668ec04e-bb57-4bc4-8731-c67b39287ae3 emotional vampire indeed; some people can suck you dry whether you are near them or not. I have a mom who can do this. I can feel her reaching out to me and trying to get into my head from afar. So draining. I have someone in my life whom I love dearly and who claims to love me, who does this to me. I guess I can say that you need to have some boundaries. Obviously, I think this person is not worth the energy you put into them and does not deserve to be able to tap into your energy whenever they wish. Put up some walls and protect yourself. Do not give into the depression and sadness you are feeling, no matter what! PLEASE!! Sat, 16 May 2009 10:57:12 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#668ec04e-bb57-4bc4-8731-c67b39287ae3 Dee 2009-05-16T10:57:12Z http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#0de97a1f-da49-4fd2-badb-366429bf6177 I just found out that my friend, who I still love and professed to love me, is also posting "missed connections" to his other Ex...the one he supposedly fell in love with me afterward. It's complicated, and I guess I should have seen all the signs, I really feel like an idiot now and I just want to take myself out. He would not ever call me, only write to me anonymously or email me...SUCH sweet things, but apparently he was vacillating between the two of us, and maybe more. I thought we had an amazing connection, but I think maybe he really is just an emotional vampire, and I was there as an unaware empath, with no boundary awareness, ready to take on his pain whenever she wasn't being perfect. He also has borderline personality disorder. Wow. Writing all that out, it seems completely obvious. But I had hope...I trusted him that he was just too "broken" to communicate in real life...I loved and supported and waited. There wasn't intimacy, this was all heavy emotional stuff. But Why, as an Empath, could I not detect this early? Now I am able to notice, even from a distance, when he is trying to expand his aura into mine and take over, and better at blocking it. Please, I need some encouraging words. I just had a few minutes where I wanted to jump in front of a train. I've got to get this straight in my head!! I know for SURE I don't want this guy in a relationship, given the behavior I now know. Any advice? I know on these forums - unlike others - there are much fewer (if any) demeaning responses, which I appreciate. Sat, 16 May 2009 00:43:01 GMT http://empaths.tribe.net/thread/1322bb9d-a198-4f81-841f-9038e27b8e20#0de97a1f-da49-4fd2-badb-366429bf6177 Rachel 2009-05-16T00:43:01Z